The last week or so I have been face to face with the beast that is embarrassment I've been on both sides of it too, embarrassing myself to someone and also had someone embarrass themselves to me. It was was exhilarating.
What is about embarrassment that makes you act, well embarrassed? You don't know you're embarrassing yourself while you do it, unless you are bombing on stage doing a stand up bit and didn't even realize you got on stage 'cause your friends told you this was a karaoke bar. More about that later.
Or maybe you do. Maybe, on some level, in these monkey brains of ours, we know exactly what we're doing. You get into that zone and all you can say is "I'm just going to push through this like a three year and a giant birthday cake with no parental supervision"' knowing that on the other side your'e going to be a ok. You'll probably feel like a nimrod for a while, but that's ok!!
So how did I embarrass myself? Hmmm... The usual, drinking, girls, texting pictures of myself naked, accidentally posting them on Facebook where my mom could see them and ask me what the hell I was up to in NY to which I responded trying to make you some grand babies.
And the other way you ask? Who embarrassed themselves to me and how? Hmmm... the usual. Drinking, girls, pictures of myself naked. This one even involved a dinner party (fancy I know) and someone who just met me, like a cosmic serendipitous rom com of which I was the unfortunate star, as they threw themselves at me over the course of seven meals. It was awesome to say the least. Somehow they embarrassed "themselves". IDK. I told her in the most discrete way possible, "Yes it is cold, so that does 'affect' things."
But embarrassment is great. It makes man up and face your own your fears i.e. BS. Or woman up, I'm an equal opportunity embarrasser. In that moment you see that all that fear were pointless to begin with. "It's not so bad in jail. In fact it's quite comfy. No. Larry. No... your hand doesn't go there."
Even more so, doing something that pushes you is great. Like facing up to that bully at work that keeps eating your hot pockets. Or going on stage and telling horrible jokes. Trust me, they are even more less funny on stage with strangers who look like they want to eat you, then telling them to your cat, Mortimer, who really couldn't be bother either. You gotta work it through it, either way.
At the end of the day you gotta go for it is all I'm saying. Embarrassment is often what happens when you do something that part of you (your ego, I put it in parenthesis so he won't get started, ugh, he's annoying) yells out "Hey asshole, you REALLY shouldn't have done that! No I gotta clean this crap up. How are people going to think of us? What are they going to say. Blah. Blah. Blah." and your ego is smarting as a result.
The problem is the ego is not really smart, he' stupid. So why listen to someone that was never smart to begin with, that only thinks he is because of, well, ego. Look at it like this, ego is like that dumb kid in grade school that knew the answer to every question but was always wrong. Yeah, him. And the problem with ego is he keeps you from doing some great things, because he's afraid of falling. Again, see above, not as bad as you think it will be, except for Larry, he really was kind of gross.
So just deal with it. Take the ego by the hand, tell it to shut the fuck up and jump over that threshold that's holding you back. Cause life without embarrassment means you haven't "dared", which is not living and not living is death. And we got plenty of time for that.
That's enough soul bearing for me today. I'll be doing more soon.
- Til Then
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