Listening to the new ASAP Rocky and consuming the Pro Era mix tape like it really was '96 makes me think a lot about this New School of Hip Hop and how it really is their time. My generation, the ones who are the same age as the genre, are having a hard time letting go and letting "them young boys" do their thing. It's funny. Hypercritical as hell. But funny at the same time.
I'll never forget being a Hip Hop kid back in the day. Football games in high school, hanging out with friends listening to tapes, chilling in parking lots. Listening to music and being amazed at how it sounded so fresh and new. I'm happy this generation is having the same experience and it's kind of lame for my age group to tell them how to be knowing we hated the same thing being said to us.
Our parents did the same. Most of our young ears didn’t realize the music we were so hopped on was recycled from previous eras. And even that music was recycled from a previous ones. As I’ve gotten older I’ve learned creativity stands on the shoulders of others and life is about the moment. You are inspired by the past but life is about the present. That is where you create. The present is all that matters.
Trust me. I’m a master of being caught up in the past or in not living in the moment because of some far off future shit that may or may not happen. Believe me. As someone who makes part of their living from planning it's very easy to get caught up in the future. And as someone who wants a lot out of their life and their creativity, it's very easy to get caught up in shoulda woulda choices and maybe if I thoughts.
And this is precisely why I love this generation. They live in the current moment. Their moment. And it AWESOME!! They are everything I remember about that age except it's of their moment- their era.
This current crop of MCs, producers, and artists are talking about the experiences: living in a post race, post fuckign everything society. Even though it reminds me of my youth it's the present. At that age, if you told me what would happen how they would reinterpret, I would say bullshit. Mainly ‘cause, at that age I was back then, I would be so excited that what our experiences would live on and inspire others. That we would reach across the ether of space and time and speak directly to a generation of kids who while different are still like us. Moved by their excitement. Driven by passion. Sharing their truths. So many years later it would still be around.
I remember many conversations with my non hip hopper, i.e. white suburb friends, saying how rap music was a phase, that it would die. That Hiip Hop wasn't a culture. How the music took no skills.
Was there harassment back then too? Of course. We were black males teens. Public enemy number one. There was no official stop and frisk, but it happened. It sucked. It was rough. We hated it. We put it in our music and in our art. We danced it out to the bass lines and lyrics of our favorite MCs that spoke directly to our experience.
Here we are many decades later. Life is the same and life is different. So it's really back to being the same. The only constant in life is change. I would add something to that, “and human experience has been the same for thousands of years.” Technology has only pushed cycles faster, but we still love, cry, hurt, yearn for more than we are at the moment. Want to know who were are and create identities out of whatever we can.
I'm reminded of that young kid through these young kids. I am excited because of their excitement. I live in my own present because their present is so bright, so real. It makes me remember this is what we dreamed would happen. Not only this New School and their moment, but our own current moments. Being older, being grown, our lives, pursuing our dreams.
Currently I'm in a place where my life will change dramatically within the next couple of because of the conversations and meetings I have in place. It's an amazing time and I thank this new school for reminding me that life is lived in the present. I thank them for reminding me when it’s your moment you have to go for it. You have to live.
I am super thankful for the soundtrack they created for this moment in time. As much as I love the music from my era it's nice to be reflective while still being present.
So go out. Listen to these incredible artists making history before our eyes. And once you do let's chat it up and talk music, art, and living life.
- Till Then
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Saturday, January 19, 2013
A One And A Two
Today I try something again that I haven't done in many years. I go back on stage and try to make a room full of people I don't know laugh. At jokes. That I write. And somehow get on stage to perform them.
Now this might not feel like a big deal to others, especially to my stand up friends with balls of steel. But that clearly is not me, as the last time I did this scared me so bad I ran and didn't look back for thirteen years.
Ok. That's a slight exaggeration. I have thought about it may times. Many many times. Stand up is an amazing thing, it's like a single person sport, up there with the greats like boxing, chess, or karate. I would say wrestling but the idea of my head between a sweaty guys legs is not really a good look. You get the gist though. It's this solo thing- just you and that other person, persons in this case. And that's it. On stage. Alone. Pretty scary.
It's like triggering an existential dilemma for no damn good reason.
They say stand up comedians are all crazy. Not sure about that, but not I'm not a stand up comic yet, so maybe I'll let you know once I actually become one. Or maybe I won't. Crazy people don't know they're crazy.
That being said, the stage is a great place to work out many things. Fears about talking in public being one of them. I mean if public speaking is hard to do imagine bombing a whole set. Now imagine doing that more than once. Yeah. Intense. Even more so you get to work through "issues." Love that word. So loaded. We all have them and what better place to work them out then in a public forum, in front of a group of people you don't know, trying to make them laugh. So yeah. Maybe I am a little crazy. Or at least neurotic.
Bear with me.
In a previous post I mentioned resolutions. Hence me even writing this. One of them was to write more, especially this blog. Free flowing, stream of consciousness, not looking back, except of course to edit, but even then not too much. (I'm still really bad at spelling. I still think it's a gene. Science will prove it one day.)
I started blogging to move past the fear of writing. Fears are best faced head on like any other bully or villain. "Will it be good? Will it be bad? What will people think?"
That's my internal editor. He's like a mix of the Riddler and the Joker. A combination of a cackling mad man with the ruthless calculations of a genius master mind; with all questions leading back to a hog tied, paranoid Chris chained to a chair in an abandoned bank vault with dynamite underneath. Yeah, my self editor is old school like that.
So I got tired of dealing with them, him, it, whatever. I decided I won't be intimidated by my fears anymore. I shot back at my internal editor with Batman eyes. You know the ones from cartoons where he looks at the screen and squints really really hard.
Yeah. Those.
You get to a certain age and you just say ok, enough. Whether it's school, bis, or other things in your life there, comes a moment when you have gone around the same loop enough to know that if you don't get off the ride nothing will ever change.
So I decided to squint back. Actually I said "Dude, fuck you! Get some balls and let's go do some shit. Time to live. Life is short."
Yes. By going on stage and embarrassing myself. Ha. Not really. By doing things that I have always wanted to do. But let little fears creep in and stop me from doing. So the blog, doing stand up, all these forms of public self expression are great tools for dealing with my "stuff". The little insecurities that plague us all, left over from flight or fight responses that aren't even real or at least not as big as we create them in our heads.
And I'm enjoying blogging, and while it's great for getting ideas i.e."the stuff" out, the stage allows you to really "move" through them. I mean literally. You actually move through them. It's the physicality of the performance that actually moves the stuff out of you. After all, most "stuff" is just fear or an issue you didn't talk about. So again, what better way get it out than to shine a gigantic light on it. In this case a spot light.
I'm looking forward to climbing back on stage and tackling the boogie man that ran me out of town thirteen years ago like Simba in the Lion King. And like Simba I have reluctantly returned to my birthright to stare my old enemy, Scar, in the face.
Yes a little heady, but it's true. I like comedy, not so sure about performing, but I love to make people laugh. I've been that way all my life. Maybe I'll like performing too. The goal is not to put a value around it, good or bad. Just do it. See how it goes.
Part of the process of growing is to just do it. As Maslow said, "A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What one can be, one must be."
I'm learning it's not so much about being the next Eddie Murphy or whomever, it's about becoming whatever it is you are meant to be and making peace with that. Not letting fears and insecurities stop you from becoming that beautiful transcendent thing.
Most of all I am enjoying tackling the fears of my youth and probably gaining some new phobias along the path to becoming the man I truly want to be. So it's ok, I plan to work those out in my 50's when I give all this up and pursue that Jazz career that I left behind as a middle school trumpet player.
Hopefully I'll see you at an open mic as I'm work shopping a comedy set or a few years down the road at a small jazz club while I'm playing the piano. We'll see about the latter.
- Til Then
Now this might not feel like a big deal to others, especially to my stand up friends with balls of steel. But that clearly is not me, as the last time I did this scared me so bad I ran and didn't look back for thirteen years.
Ok. That's a slight exaggeration. I have thought about it may times. Many many times. Stand up is an amazing thing, it's like a single person sport, up there with the greats like boxing, chess, or karate. I would say wrestling but the idea of my head between a sweaty guys legs is not really a good look. You get the gist though. It's this solo thing- just you and that other person, persons in this case. And that's it. On stage. Alone. Pretty scary.
It's like triggering an existential dilemma for no damn good reason.
They say stand up comedians are all crazy. Not sure about that, but not I'm not a stand up comic yet, so maybe I'll let you know once I actually become one. Or maybe I won't. Crazy people don't know they're crazy.
That being said, the stage is a great place to work out many things. Fears about talking in public being one of them. I mean if public speaking is hard to do imagine bombing a whole set. Now imagine doing that more than once. Yeah. Intense. Even more so you get to work through "issues." Love that word. So loaded. We all have them and what better place to work them out then in a public forum, in front of a group of people you don't know, trying to make them laugh. So yeah. Maybe I am a little crazy. Or at least neurotic.
Bear with me.
In a previous post I mentioned resolutions. Hence me even writing this. One of them was to write more, especially this blog. Free flowing, stream of consciousness, not looking back, except of course to edit, but even then not too much. (I'm still really bad at spelling. I still think it's a gene. Science will prove it one day.)
I started blogging to move past the fear of writing. Fears are best faced head on like any other bully or villain. "Will it be good? Will it be bad? What will people think?"
That's my internal editor. He's like a mix of the Riddler and the Joker. A combination of a cackling mad man with the ruthless calculations of a genius master mind; with all questions leading back to a hog tied, paranoid Chris chained to a chair in an abandoned bank vault with dynamite underneath. Yeah, my self editor is old school like that.
So I got tired of dealing with them, him, it, whatever. I decided I won't be intimidated by my fears anymore. I shot back at my internal editor with Batman eyes. You know the ones from cartoons where he looks at the screen and squints really really hard.
Yeah. Those.
You get to a certain age and you just say ok, enough. Whether it's school, bis, or other things in your life there, comes a moment when you have gone around the same loop enough to know that if you don't get off the ride nothing will ever change.
So I decided to squint back. Actually I said "Dude, fuck you! Get some balls and let's go do some shit. Time to live. Life is short."
Yes. By going on stage and embarrassing myself. Ha. Not really. By doing things that I have always wanted to do. But let little fears creep in and stop me from doing. So the blog, doing stand up, all these forms of public self expression are great tools for dealing with my "stuff". The little insecurities that plague us all, left over from flight or fight responses that aren't even real or at least not as big as we create them in our heads.
And I'm enjoying blogging, and while it's great for getting ideas i.e."the stuff" out, the stage allows you to really "move" through them. I mean literally. You actually move through them. It's the physicality of the performance that actually moves the stuff out of you. After all, most "stuff" is just fear or an issue you didn't talk about. So again, what better way get it out than to shine a gigantic light on it. In this case a spot light.
I'm looking forward to climbing back on stage and tackling the boogie man that ran me out of town thirteen years ago like Simba in the Lion King. And like Simba I have reluctantly returned to my birthright to stare my old enemy, Scar, in the face.
Yes a little heady, but it's true. I like comedy, not so sure about performing, but I love to make people laugh. I've been that way all my life. Maybe I'll like performing too. The goal is not to put a value around it, good or bad. Just do it. See how it goes.
Part of the process of growing is to just do it. As Maslow said, "A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What one can be, one must be."
I'm learning it's not so much about being the next Eddie Murphy or whomever, it's about becoming whatever it is you are meant to be and making peace with that. Not letting fears and insecurities stop you from becoming that beautiful transcendent thing.
Most of all I am enjoying tackling the fears of my youth and probably gaining some new phobias along the path to becoming the man I truly want to be. So it's ok, I plan to work those out in my 50's when I give all this up and pursue that Jazz career that I left behind as a middle school trumpet player.
Hopefully I'll see you at an open mic as I'm work shopping a comedy set or a few years down the road at a small jazz club while I'm playing the piano. We'll see about the latter.
- Til Then
Friday, January 18, 2013
Embarssment (Including misspelling this post)
The last week or so I have been face to face with the beast that is embarrassment I've been on both sides of it too, embarrassing myself to someone and also had someone embarrass themselves to me. It was was exhilarating.
What is about embarrassment that makes you act, well embarrassed? You don't know you're embarrassing yourself while you do it, unless you are bombing on stage doing a stand up bit and didn't even realize you got on stage 'cause your friends told you this was a karaoke bar. More about that later.
Or maybe you do. Maybe, on some level, in these monkey brains of ours, we know exactly what we're doing. You get into that zone and all you can say is "I'm just going to push through this like a three year and a giant birthday cake with no parental supervision"' knowing that on the other side your'e going to be a ok. You'll probably feel like a nimrod for a while, but that's ok!!
So how did I embarrass myself? Hmmm... The usual, drinking, girls, texting pictures of myself naked, accidentally posting them on Facebook where my mom could see them and ask me what the hell I was up to in NY to which I responded trying to make you some grand babies.
And the other way you ask? Who embarrassed themselves to me and how? Hmmm... the usual. Drinking, girls, pictures of myself naked. This one even involved a dinner party (fancy I know) and someone who just met me, like a cosmic serendipitous rom com of which I was the unfortunate star, as they threw themselves at me over the course of seven meals. It was awesome to say the least. Somehow they embarrassed "themselves". IDK. I told her in the most discrete way possible, "Yes it is cold, so that does 'affect' things."
But embarrassment is great. It makes man up and face your own your fears i.e. BS. Or woman up, I'm an equal opportunity embarrasser. In that moment you see that all that fear were pointless to begin with. "It's not so bad in jail. In fact it's quite comfy. No. Larry. No... your hand doesn't go there."
Even more so, doing something that pushes you is great. Like facing up to that bully at work that keeps eating your hot pockets. Or going on stage and telling horrible jokes. Trust me, they are even more less funny on stage with strangers who look like they want to eat you, then telling them to your cat, Mortimer, who really couldn't be bother either. You gotta work it through it, either way.
At the end of the day you gotta go for it is all I'm saying. Embarrassment is often what happens when you do something that part of you (your ego, I put it in parenthesis so he won't get started, ugh, he's annoying) yells out "Hey asshole, you REALLY shouldn't have done that! No I gotta clean this crap up. How are people going to think of us? What are they going to say. Blah. Blah. Blah." and your ego is smarting as a result.
The problem is the ego is not really smart, he' stupid. So why listen to someone that was never smart to begin with, that only thinks he is because of, well, ego. Look at it like this, ego is like that dumb kid in grade school that knew the answer to every question but was always wrong. Yeah, him. And the problem with ego is he keeps you from doing some great things, because he's afraid of falling. Again, see above, not as bad as you think it will be, except for Larry, he really was kind of gross.
So just deal with it. Take the ego by the hand, tell it to shut the fuck up and jump over that threshold that's holding you back. Cause life without embarrassment means you haven't "dared", which is not living and not living is death. And we got plenty of time for that.
That's enough soul bearing for me today. I'll be doing more soon.
- Til Then
What is about embarrassment that makes you act, well embarrassed? You don't know you're embarrassing yourself while you do it, unless you are bombing on stage doing a stand up bit and didn't even realize you got on stage 'cause your friends told you this was a karaoke bar. More about that later.
Or maybe you do. Maybe, on some level, in these monkey brains of ours, we know exactly what we're doing. You get into that zone and all you can say is "I'm just going to push through this like a three year and a giant birthday cake with no parental supervision"' knowing that on the other side your'e going to be a ok. You'll probably feel like a nimrod for a while, but that's ok!!
So how did I embarrass myself? Hmmm... The usual, drinking, girls, texting pictures of myself naked, accidentally posting them on Facebook where my mom could see them and ask me what the hell I was up to in NY to which I responded trying to make you some grand babies.
And the other way you ask? Who embarrassed themselves to me and how? Hmmm... the usual. Drinking, girls, pictures of myself naked. This one even involved a dinner party (fancy I know) and someone who just met me, like a cosmic serendipitous rom com of which I was the unfortunate star, as they threw themselves at me over the course of seven meals. It was awesome to say the least. Somehow they embarrassed "themselves". IDK. I told her in the most discrete way possible, "Yes it is cold, so that does 'affect' things."
But embarrassment is great. It makes man up and face your own your fears i.e. BS. Or woman up, I'm an equal opportunity embarrasser. In that moment you see that all that fear were pointless to begin with. "It's not so bad in jail. In fact it's quite comfy. No. Larry. No... your hand doesn't go there."
Even more so, doing something that pushes you is great. Like facing up to that bully at work that keeps eating your hot pockets. Or going on stage and telling horrible jokes. Trust me, they are even more less funny on stage with strangers who look like they want to eat you, then telling them to your cat, Mortimer, who really couldn't be bother either. You gotta work it through it, either way.
At the end of the day you gotta go for it is all I'm saying. Embarrassment is often what happens when you do something that part of you (your ego, I put it in parenthesis so he won't get started, ugh, he's annoying) yells out "Hey asshole, you REALLY shouldn't have done that! No I gotta clean this crap up. How are people going to think of us? What are they going to say. Blah. Blah. Blah." and your ego is smarting as a result.
The problem is the ego is not really smart, he' stupid. So why listen to someone that was never smart to begin with, that only thinks he is because of, well, ego. Look at it like this, ego is like that dumb kid in grade school that knew the answer to every question but was always wrong. Yeah, him. And the problem with ego is he keeps you from doing some great things, because he's afraid of falling. Again, see above, not as bad as you think it will be, except for Larry, he really was kind of gross.
So just deal with it. Take the ego by the hand, tell it to shut the fuck up and jump over that threshold that's holding you back. Cause life without embarrassment means you haven't "dared", which is not living and not living is death. And we got plenty of time for that.
That's enough soul bearing for me today. I'll be doing more soon.
- Til Then
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Out With The...
Ah, it's that time again, New Years. A time for reflecting and doing, cleaning and purging, drinking and... drinking.
Hmmmm. The one thing it's definitely time for is New Years Resolutions and I have many things to resolve. I figured as much out as I purged the old apt of everything that pissed me off from years past including the horrible mystery meat in the fridge that started this horrible Scrooge metaphor.
Yes I ate it. No it didn't kill me. Yes I wish it hadn't. No, the Ghost of Christmas Past and I are not cool for a while. When you're throwing away old shit and he keeps telling you to keep it, cause he's a frigging pack rat, you tend to get on each others nerves. And he's a little whinny... well anyway. You get where I'm coming from. I'm sure he'll be fine.
Where was I. Yes. The resolutions. As any other sane man in the Western World would , I have promised to do many things over the next year. Many of which, like any reasonable man in the Western World, should fall by the way side, mid- What day is today?
So with that, let's begin.
One (several) of my issues have to do with my parents. I don't really have any. Issues. Not parents. With them. Of course I have issues. They're still here. The Issues. Yes. And parents too. Who's on first?
Anyway. I'm grown and that stuff needs to be left in your mid twenties. Other than that they really have to step up their game on creating BS in my adult life. Not even one complaint about not having any grandkids yet. ::sigh::
Second, I need to resolve a few of the issues left over from my childhood. In particular- my Transformers collection It's still at my mom's house. Again, parent non-issue, issues. For God's sake Mom, regular parents would have thrown that crap away twenty years ago. Sheesh.
Back to the TF issue. I'm really thinking my book case needs that original edition Metroplex, standing guard protecting it from the many nuisances of bookcase life. Case in point, the horde of Giant Dust Bunnies that threaten to destroy the sovereign cleanliness of the Middle Shelf Spaces of any NY apt.
Third, why is there always a third with human beings, can't we be happy enough with two. I know a few scientist that could tell you why but we're just gong to go with it.
Third, a little more separation of church and state, friends and other friends, and friends and ketchup. I meant fries and ketch up. Really mayonnaise more so than ketchup. I'm a sauces on the side, dipping kind of guy. Unless it's ketchup, then I like pour directly on the fries. But not too much, the taste can get a little overwhelming. And then only thin fries. The fat ones, you gotta have the ketchup up on the side. Trust me on this one.
Back to the point, which is doing and not doing. See, the thirds thing again. Yes. Yes. It doesn't exactly line up, it was kind of a four thing- but my point is to separate the doing from the not doing. Well it's not really my point. Please skip to the next paragraph. The argument is better constructed there.
Here is my point AND wish for those reading. May you all begin the process of separating the things (activities, friendships, endeavors, et cetera) that bring value to your life from the things that do not. I hope the New Year gives you the ability to focus on things that are moving you forward, allowing you to focus a little less those which are not.
We're only human, so many of those non value things are harder to stop than we think, mainly because as much as we swear them off we secretly love them. A blog for another time. As was my actual point about the need of separation so that the various spaces in your life can co-exist in a meaningful way... but this is a good place to end and try again next time, as is the New Years to end some things and try again with your goals and ambitions.
Cheers to your new years resolutions. May they last more than a week.
And with folks, I'm outtie like 3000. Even though Andre has made that saying that a little moot. But who's counting. Clearly I am.
- C (is for Cookie. And also Chris.)
Hmmmm. The one thing it's definitely time for is New Years Resolutions and I have many things to resolve. I figured as much out as I purged the old apt of everything that pissed me off from years past including the horrible mystery meat in the fridge that started this horrible Scrooge metaphor.
Yes I ate it. No it didn't kill me. Yes I wish it hadn't. No, the Ghost of Christmas Past and I are not cool for a while. When you're throwing away old shit and he keeps telling you to keep it, cause he's a frigging pack rat, you tend to get on each others nerves. And he's a little whinny... well anyway. You get where I'm coming from. I'm sure he'll be fine.
Where was I. Yes. The resolutions. As any other sane man in the Western World would , I have promised to do many things over the next year. Many of which, like any reasonable man in the Western World, should fall by the way side, mid- What day is today?
So with that, let's begin.
One (several) of my issues have to do with my parents. I don't really have any. Issues. Not parents. With them. Of course I have issues. They're still here. The Issues. Yes. And parents too. Who's on first?
Anyway. I'm grown and that stuff needs to be left in your mid twenties. Other than that they really have to step up their game on creating BS in my adult life. Not even one complaint about not having any grandkids yet. ::sigh::
Second, I need to resolve a few of the issues left over from my childhood. In particular- my Transformers collection It's still at my mom's house. Again, parent non-issue, issues. For God's sake Mom, regular parents would have thrown that crap away twenty years ago. Sheesh.
Back to the TF issue. I'm really thinking my book case needs that original edition Metroplex, standing guard protecting it from the many nuisances of bookcase life. Case in point, the horde of Giant Dust Bunnies that threaten to destroy the sovereign cleanliness of the Middle Shelf Spaces of any NY apt.
Third, why is there always a third with human beings, can't we be happy enough with two. I know a few scientist that could tell you why but we're just gong to go with it.
Third, a little more separation of church and state, friends and other friends, and friends and ketchup. I meant fries and ketch up. Really mayonnaise more so than ketchup. I'm a sauces on the side, dipping kind of guy. Unless it's ketchup, then I like pour directly on the fries. But not too much, the taste can get a little overwhelming. And then only thin fries. The fat ones, you gotta have the ketchup up on the side. Trust me on this one.
Back to the point, which is doing and not doing. See, the thirds thing again. Yes. Yes. It doesn't exactly line up, it was kind of a four thing- but my point is to separate the doing from the not doing. Well it's not really my point. Please skip to the next paragraph. The argument is better constructed there.
Here is my point AND wish for those reading. May you all begin the process of separating the things (activities, friendships, endeavors, et cetera) that bring value to your life from the things that do not. I hope the New Year gives you the ability to focus on things that are moving you forward, allowing you to focus a little less those which are not.
We're only human, so many of those non value things are harder to stop than we think, mainly because as much as we swear them off we secretly love them. A blog for another time. As was my actual point about the need of separation so that the various spaces in your life can co-exist in a meaningful way... but this is a good place to end and try again next time, as is the New Years to end some things and try again with your goals and ambitions.
Cheers to your new years resolutions. May they last more than a week.
And with folks, I'm outtie like 3000. Even though Andre has made that saying that a little moot. But who's counting. Clearly I am.
- C (is for Cookie. And also Chris.)
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